Naming Rights: Grading Programming Language Names
What's in a name?

The first time I read Anthony Malakian's excellent feature on the Julia programming language, which you can find here, there was one question that was eating at me the entire time.
How did they come up with that name?
To be blunt, names in financial services usually suck. Sure, some vendors have good ones. But for the most part, it's usually some awful combination of words indicating the services they provide that was probably workshopped far too long at an overpaid marketing firm.
It's not just the tech companies that are bad. Don't get me started on hedge funds. Want to play a fun game? Search "____ Capital" on Google, and insert synonyms for "success," "strength" or "wealth" in the blank. If the results come back with a hedge fund, you have to drink. You should be dead from alcohol poisoning within five minutes.
That's why Julia stood out to me. The name was actually good. I'm a firm believer that naming non-human things human names is awesome. There is no way IBM's Watson would be as popular or as well-known if it was named SCV23.
For the record, somebody told the language's creators half-jokingly that they should name the language Julia. They liked the suggestion, and the name stuck. Unfortunately, there are plenty of other programming languages that didn't choose that path. Many took the easy way out, going with uncreative, boring names.
I, frankly, won't stand for it. And that's why I've decided to take these programming languages to task. I've picked some of the ones most commonly used in financial services and given them grades. Granted, it's not all bad, but there is certainly room for improvement.
Editor's Note: If you can't tell by now, these grades are tongue-in-cheek. Please don't email me with your staunch defenses of why these names are actually smart or intuitive.
C/C++
C, as the story goes, originally got its name because it was influenced by the B programming language. I understand the philosophy of naming it C, but that doesn't mean I like it. This just screams laziness. However, I will say this: I do give a bit of credit to C++ for going with the double +'s as opposed to simply a number (Yes, I'm looking at you, HTML5).
Grade: C--
R
Naming your programming language after a letter in the alphabet? Where have I seen this before? Folks, let's get a bit creative here. I know you're far more interested in putting your efforts into creating a revolutionary language that will be used for years to come. But how can you expect us to get excited about something that's just named after a letter in the alphabet?
Grade: D
HTML5
If you're going have your language be an acronym, at least have it spell out something cool or interesting. "HTML" is what happens when I try to text my girlfriend "Hey" after a night out. Simply tagging a number on at the end is the icing on this awful cake.
Grade: F
SQL
This is a perfect example of where HTML went wrong. SQL is also an acronym (Structured Query Language), but at least it looks like a word (sequel). I'll give credit here for the effort put forth, but we still have a long way to go.
Grade: B
Python
Finally, something I can get behind. Pythons are awesome. They are powerful, exotic creatures. What a great thing to name your language after! Clearly people agree, because there is also a programming language called Cobra. You know you're doing something right when people start copying you.
Grade: A
Java
This is the GOAT right here. Remember, Java made its first appearance in the mid-1990s. What was big back then? Internet cafes! Brilliant stuff right there. Throw in a cool-looking logo that incorporates the name and you've got yourself a real winner.
Grade: A+
Only users who have a paid subscription or are part of a corporate subscription are able to print or copy content.
To access these options, along with all other subscription benefits, please contact info@waterstechnology.com or view our subscription options here: https://subscriptions.waterstechnology.com/subscribe
You are currently unable to print this content. Please contact info@waterstechnology.com to find out more.
You are currently unable to copy this content. Please contact info@waterstechnology.com to find out more.
Copyright Infopro Digital Limited. All rights reserved.
As outlined in our terms and conditions, https://www.infopro-digital.com/terms-and-conditions/subscriptions/ (point 2.4), printing is limited to a single copy.
If you would like to purchase additional rights please email info@waterstechnology.com
Copyright Infopro Digital Limited. All rights reserved.
You may share this content using our article tools. As outlined in our terms and conditions, https://www.infopro-digital.com/terms-and-conditions/subscriptions/ (clause 2.4), an Authorised User may only make one copy of the materials for their own personal use. You must also comply with the restrictions in clause 2.5.
If you would like to purchase additional rights please email info@waterstechnology.com
More on Emerging Technologies
LSEG’s private funds platform, Microsoft’s new datacenter, and more
The Waters Cooler: New private markets solutions, M&A activity, and a sprinkle of DLT in this week’s news roundup.
BlueMatrix acquires FactSet’s RMS Partners platform
This is the third acquisition BlueMatrix has made this year.
Waters Wavelength Ep. 331: Cresting Wave’s Bill Murphy
Bill Murphy, Blackstone’s former CTO, joins to discuss that much-discussed MIT study on AI projects failing and factors executives should consider as the technology continues to evolves.
FactSet adds MarketAxess CP+ data, LSEG files dismissal, BNY’s new AI lab, and more
The Waters Cooler: Synthetic data for LLM training, Dora confusion, GenAI’s ‘blind spots,’ and our 9/11 remembrance in this week’s news roundup.
Chief investment officers persist with GenAI tools despite ‘blind spots’
Trading heads from JP Morgan, UBS, and M&G Investments explained why their firms were bullish on GenAI, even as “replicability and reproducibility” challenges persist.
Wall Street hesitates on synthetic data as AI push gathers steam
Deutsche Bank and JP Morgan have differing opinions on the use of synthetic data to train LLMs.
A Q&A with H2O’s tech chief on reducing GenAI noise
Timothée Consigny says the key to GenAI experimentation rests in leveraging the expertise of portfolio managers “to curate smaller and more relevant datasets.”
Etrading wins UK bond tape, R3 debuts new lab, TNS buys Radianz, and more
The Waters Cooler: The Swiss release an LLM, overnight trading strays further from reach, and the private markets frenzy continues in this week’s news roundup.