Mifid II: The Movie

John attempts to introduce some levity into Mifid II with some truly awful movies based on the impending European regulation.

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It would be ridiculous to make a movie of the Mifid II regulation coming into force next year, but John gives it a shot anyway, if only for the sake of his own sanity.

As the May Waters features go live across the website, you will probably notice the recurring theme of Mifid II throughout.

From order routing transparency to the systematic internalizer regime, Mifid II is soaked into every fiber of capital markets activity, to the point where I assume most of us feel fatigued by the mere mention of it.

So, if only for the sake of levity, as we near the time of year when movie theatres are bombarded with the traditional summer blockbuster bonanza, I have attempted to put together a few movie ideas that could come out of the whole Mifid II situation. Yes, they’re terrible and no one in their right mind would ever take these pitches seriously. But, on the other hand, you never know …

The Cyber Thriller

Hollywood has often struggled to properly convey the tense thrill of technology-centric plot lines, but this time it’s different. Here, Colin Farrell plays a back-office technology drone at a prominent asset management firm, suddenly handed the assignment of a lifetime: to successfully implement a new risk calculation system in just six weeks prior to the Mifid II deadline, or his tough-as-nails boss, Meryl Streep, will finally fire him.

Be prepared to sit through multiple scenes of Farrell typing at his keyboard, watching a screen as tests are run, and Streep scowling in various doorways before storming out. Electrifying.

The Arty Drama

Within the halls of the European Commission, discord is rising. With investment bankers threatening to simply ignore the Mifid II regulation, it’s up to one man to ensure that the market stays compliant.

Told through a series of harrowing flashbacks to various technical drafts and white papers, Christoph Waltz narrates his struggles to keep the capital markets in line with his vision of a more transparent world while simultaneously working to appease the faceless masses of the financial world.

The Romantic Comedy

He’s a plucky PR guy working for a multinational bank, while she’s a dogged, never-say-die reporter for a financial news website. Seth Rogen and Amy Adams’ worlds collide as she follows up on a tip that his bank won’t be ready for the January 2018 deadline and faces severe penalties.

Rogen turns on the trademark bumbling charm to keep Adams at bay as the situation spirals out of control. Keep an eye out for a surprisingly good turn from Jennifer Garner as Adams’ archnemesis.

The Alien-Action-Conspiracy Extravaganza

Jeff Goldblum is a retired financial researcher who notices something strange about the wording of the Mifid II legislation. Before he knows it, he’s in over his head as he is swept up in a conspiracy theory kept under wraps by the head of the European regulators, Jeff Bridges.

A climatic finale packed with star cameos reveals that Mifid II is actually the brainchild of an alien race, determined to overtake Earth by wreaking havoc with its economy. Will Goldblum be able to save the planet and, more importantly, the capital markets?  

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